9 Fierce Words From a Pregnant Woman Helped Me to Write a Book

It's about hidden cultural rules

From the archives of Rick Lewis

Our bank account was plunging to the bottom

In 2009 I lost all my work as a corporate entertainer in that year’s economic collapse. With two teenagers already, and a third child on the way, I watched our bank account steadily plunge to rock bottom.

I began to doubt my lifelong commitment to inspiring live audiences and tried to turn what I had learned about web design for my own business into a new career path.

I was shocked when my pregnant wife fiercely declared, “I absolutely FORBID you to become a web designer.”

Despite our dire need of income, she reminded me that my passion had always been for human relationship, growth, and potential — and that I needed to recommit to getting back in the game. 

My wife’s challenge put me toe-to-toe with a dream I’d been afraid to pursue—the desire to reinvent myself as a professional speaker.

Shocked by unopened gifts

So I resolved to start writing the stories of my years as a street performer, actor, and corporate entertainer, stories that I’d been keeping private.

I sat in a chair for 12 hours each day, recalling and recording stories of entertaining people from all over the world, from all walks of life, and the many industries of corporate America.

What I discovered was how incredibly generous life had been to me in the form of experience. I was frankly shocked to review the number of gifts I had received that I had never even opened. The gifts had come in the form of relationships, interactions, and events—both directly lived or witnessed by me as an observer.

Taking the time to unpack experiences by writing about them made me realize I had rushed through many of them — not really present to their beauty, significance, or value.

Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

I’d propose that an unexamined life hasn’t actually been lived.

Discovering hidden cultural rules

I discovered that on any given day I am mostly distracted from the gift of life by fears, anxieties, and self-concern, the preservation of my status or identity in the eyes of others, and the pursuit of immediate survival needs in the domains of money, food and sex.

Writing and telling stories of noteworthy memories was an exercise in reversing the focus of my attention to recover a fuller relationship to those past experiences. It was also an opportunity to consciously choose what I wanted those events to mean to me.

Writing helped me to recover my relationship to my past, examine the nature of what had distracted me from the present moment, and inquire into what prevents me from fully living now.

But the real surprise was stumbling on a set of hidden rules. Rules that we’ve been trained to obey and now promote through our actions.

These are cultural rules that each of us has adopted as our own, though the rules are never openly discussed, and we’ve never consciously agreed that following them is in our best interests.

My book 7 Rules You Were Born to Break came into being from that effort.

But I didn’t just have a book in my hands at the end. I had an entirely new relationship to myself.

The necessity of personal reflection

Rarely do we take the time to really look at where we’ve been, what we’ve learned, who we’ve become — and reflect whether the person we’re meant to be has been forgotten, lost, or compromised along the way.

What about you?

• Have you thought to review what kind of story you’ve created for yourself?

• Does it line up with what you know you’re meant for?

• Or are there courageous actions you’ve shied away from that have kept your potential from being realized?

Writing 7 Rules You Were Born to Break was the single most useful effort of my professional life. It allowed me to deeply clarify where I had come from, the stories that mattered most to me, and the future I wanted to create.

Not surprisingly, the year following the release of 7 Rules You Were Born to Break brought double the annual income I had ever earned.

Simply stated, everything started working properly when I got clear on my story and stopped being afraid to share it.

I had started out as a socially anxious introvert who became a silent street performer and earned $10 for his first shows.

After publishing 7 Rules, and now regularly practicing reflection and self-expression, I receive checks like the one below for a single speaking presentation.

Fear is always a worthy opponent

Fear is often an accurate and useful marker of what deserves our attention. In the moment, it feels like an opponent, but when we learn to explore it, it becomes an ally.

Discovering this has been of tremendous help to me and my belief is that we all can benefit from practicing courage.

That’s why I’m creating a new community called Courage Writer. 

Opening the doors of Courage Writer is another dream I could easily have justified putting off out of fear. But I’ve seen firsthand how courageous self-observation, authentic expression, and personal storytelling can change lives — the way it has changed mine and still does.

I’m more motivated by the vision of a safe house for authentic expression, a co-op for courage, than I am the safety of playing small.

I believe that the practice of writing can help us transform our fears into self-knowledge and self-awareness, and replace them with a new vision of what is possible for each of us in our lives.

If my wife hadn’t spoken up and encouraged me to live and express the real me, I might be building websites right now. 

Instead, I’m ready to build a community. 

A safe space to discover the real you

There’s not a single human I’ve ever met who doesn’t struggle with fear on the way to making their highest contribution in life and I want to see those contributions being made.

I want to make that ridiculously bold and heartfelt leap with you, side by side, with a community of people who are passionate about living fully.

It would be my honor to help you get past any old stories that may be blocking the joy of your success, and tell the new stories that you’d love to live in your future.

That’s why I’m personally inviting you to learn more about Courage Writer.

Join us if you have a hunger for promoting authenticity, courage, and joy in the world — and in yourself.

We’ll do it by cheering each other on to courageous action, authentic sharing, and inspired storytelling.

You can start right here, right now.